My Ambition

I want to be an author

Hello,

Here I am.

It has been a while since I last posted. I am not blocked from substack’s servers, as I posted theorizing about, (for those of you that saw before I took it down) it was just a connection hiccup. I have between my last big post (20~ days ago) and now been bitten really hard by the vocaloid japslop bug… I’m not perfect. Anyway, I have to write this down ASAP b/c it happens less and less often now, I cannot sleep but I daydream (for lack of a better word) as I sit still at night, it plays out perfect as film in my head, my life purpose, my great story, my chud epic.

I pour myself into the main character slightly, some scenes or illustrative vignettes draw directly from my life experience, if not outright imagined. Maybe many authors do this. I was previously on the fence about sharing, my work is deeply personal, it makes me feel kind of naked to reveal it… But I realize this community of writers here is my perfect opportunity, so perhaps I stack out my scattered notes, scripts, scenes, see where it goes. Is this OK? Would you like this? Tell me.

No more being too afraid of if I am posting coal or not!

I still struggle exactly with how my formatting with it will go, maintaining consistent tone, feel, etc. For lack of getting that far really. It isn't fully drafted, let alone edited and I do plan on it being rather long with various arcs. It’s only a string of daydreams, ideas, feelings, and a few sequences that play out in my mind crystal clear like a movie in my mind. I can honestly say I'm not most confident in this, you may have seen confession note from last month… But also I realize it has to be done, so I will immediately get to work drafting. For those of you that want to wait and see the finished and polished project when it comes to fruition, without the cringe amateurish parts or growing pains of the unedited drafting stages, this message is your only heads up and warning, I'm going to spoil my own story. Lol. TL;DR I want a story that escalates from an underdog loser chud to warlord that burns the world to the ground and succeeds in TD (The N isnt missing I just want it to end in mass genocide via nuclear holocaust). I want an unadulterated vision of violence at a mass scale. Total war, at an all-encompassing and apocalyptic scale. It is my chud fantasy.

“I am an instrunment of the wrath of god!” “I have come to reap the karmic debt of this kali-yuga damned civilization!”

For the longest time I've sat incubating this idea, mostly trying over and over with how it begins and then outlining the setting and getting ideas for arcs, I only came up with how it's supposed to end in the past 2 years or so (it came to me as a vision while listening to black metal). It's certainly become unrecognizable from where it started—it was not even chuddy from the start—mostly changing with my interests and what I thought was cool or interesting at the time, slowly pruning old ideas and refining it. Aesthetically it was always going to be a hellishly urbanized dystopia, with a guy standing up to fight it. I want to follow the main character through the path of radicalization, combining fictional and true-to-experience elements to make something believable. Now that I have you guys I don't need to just draw from my own experiences and only what I can imagine. since I can get more sets of eyes on my work or draw from other people's little life story anecdotes to work a sense of humanity into it. Not to outsource work to you unwillingly, but I think fellow travelers can help me maintain sense and stay course. Especially when it comes to editing or needed feedback, which to be honest, I don’t think anyone else on this planet would be willing to proofread a story that sets up a pretense and justification for mass-slaughter (like the good things worth saving being entirely destroyed or civilization being beyond redemption). We like to do some LARP... It will be a little LARP, it comes with territory of fiction.

Basically my main character will look like this once he finishes his arcs of character development and reaches his final form.

One example of an old idea I've since pruned is copying existing dystopia novels (which are honestly overrated, I never had much passion for them, my interest lived and died with memes about them) or coming up with inventive ways the regime might torment the average person, punish them, or reduce their quality of life, mostly because I realized the more sci-fi it got the more hopelessly impossible it became to fight back and the more removed from reality it felt. I'd say the world is definitely on the lower sci-fi end, tech-wise since I want to incorporate the experiences of myself (and others like me, i.e the chuds in my audience) and that which is unique mostly to our modern experience rather than explore the implications of x and y potential future thing and account for its effects and everything socially and societally in a hypothetical future (too much extra work and not relevant to the interesting parts of the story) As I assemble the redpill-laden plot of intrigue (or at least simplify it into a series of easily digestible dramatic story beats) I don't think there need to be even more fictional variables to account for when I'm already importing an entire set of real-life problems and ideas into the setting that are a prerequisite for our current chud culture to exist at all. A future of perfected cybertrannies is not what I want to explore the implications of, the ones we have in real life are more than enough, and their imperfection is exactly what makes them so incredibly loathsome and disturbing anyway. Though cyborgs are definitely trannies, just for computers instead of women. I might have cyborgs in my story specifically for them to get owned for being cybertroons.

I did look at how one should do plot structure a bit and I wanted to take a story writing class but tbh they were making us do boring shit for baby retards so I quit (maybe I’ll try again when I am not short on patience). I’m the kind of person heavily resistant to typical curriculum and modes of teaching (especially recommended reading of media that I think is coal), so no surprise I was disappointed, beyond it just being a matter of pride. Anyway, last bit is where I try to actually summarize the plot I have:

1. opening narration is really fucking gay so I think it should be a cold open starting with our character, D (placeholder) as a boy stuck in public school, it feels like a prison to him and he is browbeaten day in and out, forcibly medicated, and has his first innocent run ins with girl trouble and being forced to treat minority classmates as his equals, while they get preferential treatment. As a familiar setting it can set up some of the lasting conflicts, namely trouble with women and conflict with hostile and alien minorities. This doesn’t have to be long, but I think it’s important to present school as an inhumane and prisonlike place where one is constantly undermined and stifled, leading to maladaptive development.

   

2. As a Teenager, SHTF and D is struck by a catastrophic series of tragedies. First he gets emotionally hurt and betrayed by a girl he likes, who is abusing HR systems in place to reject him without getting her hands dirty, as women do. As he is reeling from this rejection by means of industrial HR system, he is drawn into open conflict with hostile minorities, who opting not to fight fair gang up on him and beat him. This results in him being either expelled or expended, which leads to his single (implied divorced, common modern tragedy) mother giving him shit for it, which, pushing him past his breaking point now, he erupts into a fit of chud rage and they get into a shouting match which leads to him wishing ill on her. His single mom’s bad heart gives out and she dies, which leaves him alone.

3. D cannot pay bills by himself but at this point he is also too old to be adopted or anything. He lives the most self-destructive NEET lifestyle, fapping, streaming, eating junk, vidya, all telltale signs of being an addict. His recent radicalizing experiences lead to him being banned from expressing himself even in these outlets, and eventually he not only pushes his social credit through the floor, he burns out and enjoys nothing. When he finally burns through what money is left, the home left to him is seized and he is kicked out onto the streets.

4. D is dragged back to reality after this and has to live homeless. From shelters, to churches, to snooping around public places, he makes his living out of desperation, moving from place to place, having a brief stint as a convert(I am liable to write my opinions on faith into this segment, he attempts using it to cover for his sense of guilt and shame here), living in abandoned buildings, getting into more fights, a year at least passes like this. This section could contain its fair deal of episodic storytelling, I like the idea of exploring some abandoned buildings and one particularly amusing anecdote I can’t forget is how churches would get fined for housing the homeless. This period can explore how anti-human or hostile cities are to the people who live in them.

5. D is taken in by an old man who owns a gym when he finds him on the property. He becomes like a surrogate father to him and gives him a job there. This bit plays out pretty much like a training arc, he asks retarde boy questions to the old man, old man tells him stories and teaches him to stand up for himself and fight. D doesn’t feel he deserves this kindness after what he feels he’s done, But he works through it, and here the life-affirming parts of the story shine through the misery leading up to this point. He grows into a more disciplined man, few more years pass, he becomes old enough to enlist.

6. I want the military to be a part of this story because I love military sci-fi. This part is meant to set up more in-universe politics, and also reveal more of the cracks in the way the world runs for D. Radicalizing experiences of job discrimination, being forced to bend the knee for gays, faggots, and women, anti-truecel discrimination in the barracks, watching his peers get away with subpar performance in physical testing and training, etc. Despite this he makes some of his first friends in years since the school and the online world left him in the dust (all of them his coethnics), his competitive spirit and sense for achievement push him toward more dangerous military jobs, which ends up as him in something between military police forces and infantry. This is where the story starts getting in some real action.

7. For sci-fi reasons and for his good performance he gets to be a super soldier and I get to talk about the only excusable case for body augmentation which isnt gay cybernetics but unlocking the greatest potential of the human body. You guys are familiar with your space marines and your spartans and whatnot, invasive surgeries, modified physiology, enhanced strength and speed and what not. I eat this stuff up. Action is kicked up a notch. Girl who is a little bit like mary shelley/curie, sort of the brains behind the frankenstein’s monster procedure and science stuff. She and D get along well. This is mostly a training arc.

   

   Quick drink break during the augmentation surgery

8. Another intermediary action arc, D and his Bros are very close, and when war breaks out, some of them end up dead while on their cool special operations shenanigans. Action gets more intense, political intrigue plot progresses through this arc, do these ‘bad guy insurgents’ they’re fighting against have a point? Some notable examples are Eco terrorists, at least one mandatory Ted Kaczynski reference, Nationalist groups, Maybe a Mishima-esque organization or something else inspired by other literature. There is potential for quite a colorful rogues gallery of political ideologues rising against the established govt here. All ideas competing to overthrow the rotting civilization that hosts them. Depths of corruption finally are revealed, D start’s thinking twice about his orders privately.

9. D is the sole survivor of his unit by the beginning of the post war world. He is moved to a new group, think GITS section 9 b/c its the closest thing on mind for me rn. He is alot more cynical at this point about his role in the world. He knows something is up but also that he has to keep his head down and his mouth shut. the squad leader is a woman, and she’s a real bitch, he butts heads with her and ends up making better judgments than her, which undermines her authority, but more importantly her pride. The new generations of soldiers they replaced D’s buddies with are more cyberized, more mentally conditioned, and less personable. Side plot of mary getting shafted by govt research and development b/c they like taking advantage of honest and hard working people then taking credit for their work.

10. SHTF once again, D is put into an incident that causes his world to shatter, I picture him shooting an innocent family, a kid who reminds him of his past self, or the old man because they’d been labeled as domestic terrorists It’s hard to pick favorites, it could be all 3, with some last straw breaking the camel’s back. It leaves him with some Post Traumatic Stress (he isn’t a bitch about it though and he gets over it in short order like one arc later). He is no longer fit for service and is washed out. It leaves him feeling like shit, I picture a dramatic moment where he passes mary in a VA clinic and their eyes meet for a moment, idk. He relapses into the familiar despair of his youth for some time.

11. D is now forced to live among civilianfags again. He’s disgusted to be reminded the world he and his friends sacrificed for is like this, a world ruled by the ugly and weak. Thanks to his augments, he is now freakishly tall, which only drives home the divide between him and the general populace even further, also literally putting him head and shoulders above the people in the mundane world. He’s very clearly outgrown this kind of life. it is then that he finds a small and emaciated girl sleeping in an alleyway. He wraps her up and carries her to a local police station so they might find her parents. What they then find is that the girl had no identity. Her parents did not want the world to know she existed. She was born as human cattle. D didn’t rest until he could take her safely into his custody, propelled by outrage at her neglect.

12. Dad arc. Not much to be said here. Wholesome 100. Radicalizing experiences as a dad, paternal instinct, growing protective paranoia, some comfy and cutesy stuff for some time, but you and I both know this is set up for another plot-convenient tragedy.

13. Kidnapping. The secret trade of child slaves is alive and well in 2xxx. get the daisy’s destruction jokes out of your system now. Terrible things will happen to the girl, to be honest I don’t know how to handle something so utterly terrible in a mature way yet. The stories you hear about girls taken against their will kind of turn your stomach upside down.
    D is out for blood, law be damned, they didn’t help him none. So begins his life as a vigilante, living completely homeless again, but with completely different purpose.

14. D becomes the terror of the criminal underworld, maybe this is a little too much like taken or punisher, but this is where the real edgekino begins. He has the perfect casus-belli to kill these people, and the corruption runs both deep and high in the social strata. His killings grow to be higher and higher profile, action rises once again, and it culminates in his arrest and a shameful show trial. He never found his daughter.
    TBH she is still a loose plot thread, unless she gets used as bait to catch him or I do a perspective switch to comment on the depravity of human trafficking and/or sex trade in general, which would come at a pretty high cost to my own sanity if I ever wanted to write it, let alone any more graphic depictions. If that happens I picture her growing up to be a drug-addled BPD whore and being completely corrupted and broken (and also a kind of quirky stupid ditzy girl).

15. prison arc and the immediate prison break
    You get what it says on the tin. When I concepted this arc I had invented some comic-booky mutants and genetic freaks for D to team up with in the prison break like fish men and other gene splicers, a heavily cyberized cyborg hacker, and the warden, who’d be the final boss of the encounter is like an old legacy cyborg, similar to the german guy from deus ex or maybe batou from GITS (if you talk about the live action one I’m killing you). But IDK I scrapped it and then didnt come up with anything that was that cool since. So now I’m keeping it.

16. Laying low in a dying world
    D knows once he’s out he could never try lone wolf-ing it against the leviathan again. He knew he had to completely change his plan of attack, but first he had to get out of hot water. The world is mostly urbanized aside from the deserts oceans, and the polar and subpolar regions. Frankly the planet has become ecologically dead, not because of any shit like climate change but because the people that cared were too stupid to do anything meaningful to stop it. Worldbuilding aside (tbh I think bladerunner did this already) D goes to antarctica because it’s one of the most remote places in the world. He is distraught that in his travels he does find the world to be truly dead, and when he settles here he resolves he’ll brave the ice or die.

17. The Lost world & Going Native
    That’s right I’m doing the classic sci-fi adventure fiction asspull of a lost world, who care’s about thinking of plausibility at this point? it’s cool! D while braving the tundra slips beneath the antarctic ice into a cavernous open space supporting terrestrial life. All sorts of Flora and Fauna which had ceased to exist in the surface world. D was delighted to find an entire new world to have to his own, He’d only ever seen real forests in old world documentaries or domesticated zoo animals and garbage pests. D does not hesitate to explore this world and try its foods, which made him violently sick for the first few weeks until his microbiome and immune system adjusted. He lived simply and found in him a joy he hadn’t experienced in the world upstairs.

18. The Pyramid
    That’s right the other classic sci-fi adventure fiction asspull, ancient extinct civilization! I honestly don’t have anything to write about this other than it being deus ex machina and also that this part is heavily inspired by Galaxy of Terror classic horror film. I think I saw it on amazon, if you want it legit. It’s a competent and somewhat cheesey film, You’ll only understand what the pyramid’s purpose is if you watch it. and then once you get it, you’ll think “oh that’s pretty cool.” You know my ass is making it clear that Nazis were down there by literring their skeletons and rusted equipment through the space. The old man reappears. Perhaps with only one eye?

19. D, with a renewed sense of purpose, was determined to punish the great leviathan of the surface world. But first he had to make moves to prepare for war against the surface. He needed an army of men who would give their lives to him and a fleet of submarines to operate out of his newfound shangri-la. He needed legions of workers to build and maintain the works of his hidden world, and he had to keep it from the public. First however, he was determined to do what he should’ve done years ago! Mary was rightfully his! He rode in on a sled to the antarctic research outpost she’d been redeployed to and took her for himself!

    

    It’s actually cool and a good thing when I do it. Also it’s called bridenapping, and it’s incredibly romantic.

20. With love and a great deal of maneuvering, D made the appropriate preparations for his war with the surface. Young military aged men, his coethnics, engineers, scientists, artists, craftsmen, plants, animals, and those great works of history which were gawked at by the ungrateful muttoid surface-dwellers slowly and surely over years, his subterranean empire grew unnoticed.

21. D was in his late 30s now. He lived for revenge, and the hope for a new future. Until now he’d held back and bided his time, waiting for the moment to spring his assault on the surface. He now had his armies, he now had his fleet, he had extracted everything of value he could find, his soldiers were trained in the great heists of all the historical artifacts that mattered. And now was their time to raze the cities of their enemies to the ground!

22. Shores in flames! Revenge for the century of humiliation for him and his kin! Blood! Fire! Death! Everywhere! The leviathan had no time to react! The extraction of all relevant talents had accelerated the decline in functionality of any and all things the decadents had left in their grasp. Their time was finally up, and their judgement would come. Many committed suicide to escape their fate, others fled, more still took to hiding. Bodies hung from lamposts in the streets, archaic forms of execution were brought back into practice for the first time in a thousand or more years, crucifixion, blood eagle, bog drowning, impalement, it was a festival of gore to those boys raised into hounds of war.

23. Sending the party off with a bang.
    And just as quickly as they arrived, the sea-peoples who’d attacked from their submarines left. Those mongrels left alive, generally a larger proportion of insignificant and private figures who’d commited none of the offenses that warranted special punishment emerged from the scorched superstructure of their delapidated cities. Frankly, they were not much worse for wear as they were accustomed already to yearly riots, terrorism, gang warfare, the typical fees of a diverse society. Before anyone could ask for their gallon slurp bottle of seed oils with a side of takis, in a bright and blinding flash the wrath of god was poured over the earth. And so it was cleansed by nuclear fire of all the filth which offended or attracted ire. All that remained were fields of toxic waste and nuclear glass to remember them by. Hail death!

    

24. Epilogue

    D and his loyal soldiers, servants, and his now loving wife all happily waited out nuclear winter safely underground. When the radiation levels had become safe enough, their progeny would go on to recolonize the world. It took the undivided attention of thousands of biologists, surveying the wastes, and reseeding life in the post-war world. Life was hard, unforgiving, but the balance of nature was again restored, and emerging from the darkness and everlasting night of the nuclear winter, a new golden age begun. End.

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Giggity