This is essentially identical to my own situation from 18 to 21, almost shockingly so. At risk of sounding like a douche, read my advice article from a few days ago if you haven't already. I only say this because of how eerily similar this reads to my own experience, and think a similar path that I went down may help you as well.
I will also say that, beyond the internet autists & their arguments, this sort of feeling is quite common in society among our generation. You certainly aren't alone.
Saw a comment here about commitment which is pretty spot on, so I won’t bother to reiterate what was stated there (James Knox is the account name if you haven’t encountered it yet). The only original commentary I can provide is this, I thought and felt the same about myself for a long time before I was given the wonderful gift of someone to care for. I was lucky that the universe did not make me have to develop the will to commit out of nothing on the promise that one day there would be something, which is the much harder road you probably will have to follow, but it at least gives me the authority to say this. The moment you find someone (does not have to be a woman, although that is most common. In my case it was an unexpected sibling) other than yourself to be responsible for, you will feel a drive unlike any of the shame you feel now. It will get easier, in fact it will feel impossible to stop, and you will be content. It is a hard road, but it doesn’t go to nowhere.
Part of it is that you just need to understand that not everything has some grand purpose. The function/purpose of some things in life is for your own enjoyment and that's it, which is a neccessary part of life. Playing vidya is just for you to enjoy it. As long as you aren't JUST doing stuff like that then there is no problem.
The real problem here seems to be that you have a hard time committing to things, as you said, which is what is making you so frustrated. I don't really know what to do about dat doe.
The maturations of the original Aryan religions have a solution for this problem, but you probably aren’t going to like it. Overcoming this has nothing to do with a change in conditions or actions because you will be left confounded inevitably each time, as what you really want and what you think you want are two radically different realities. It is not “out there”, and if your happiness is founded on condition you accept natural limits to it, something that is impossible for any of us to really accept. The point of meditation is not to feel good its to see the nature of reality properly, as dependently originated, as suffering, as empty, and to illuminate the end of that suffering.
Playing war with the little boys is a good way to keep your mind sharp and to ward off the dullness, even if it is all pretend. It is better that you resign yourself to this than fueling your dispassion so grossly that you end up embarrassing yourself in the real world or otherwise getting wrapped into some kind of mess you never wanted to be in.
This is essentially identical to my own situation from 18 to 21, almost shockingly so. At risk of sounding like a douche, read my advice article from a few days ago if you haven't already. I only say this because of how eerily similar this reads to my own experience, and think a similar path that I went down may help you as well.
I will also say that, beyond the internet autists & their arguments, this sort of feeling is quite common in society among our generation. You certainly aren't alone.
Pretty lady
she give me big bonar I THICK cume
nigga...
>:}
Saw a comment here about commitment which is pretty spot on, so I won’t bother to reiterate what was stated there (James Knox is the account name if you haven’t encountered it yet). The only original commentary I can provide is this, I thought and felt the same about myself for a long time before I was given the wonderful gift of someone to care for. I was lucky that the universe did not make me have to develop the will to commit out of nothing on the promise that one day there would be something, which is the much harder road you probably will have to follow, but it at least gives me the authority to say this. The moment you find someone (does not have to be a woman, although that is most common. In my case it was an unexpected sibling) other than yourself to be responsible for, you will feel a drive unlike any of the shame you feel now. It will get easier, in fact it will feel impossible to stop, and you will be content. It is a hard road, but it doesn’t go to nowhere.
Part of it is that you just need to understand that not everything has some grand purpose. The function/purpose of some things in life is for your own enjoyment and that's it, which is a neccessary part of life. Playing vidya is just for you to enjoy it. As long as you aren't JUST doing stuff like that then there is no problem.
The real problem here seems to be that you have a hard time committing to things, as you said, which is what is making you so frustrated. I don't really know what to do about dat doe.
The maturations of the original Aryan religions have a solution for this problem, but you probably aren’t going to like it. Overcoming this has nothing to do with a change in conditions or actions because you will be left confounded inevitably each time, as what you really want and what you think you want are two radically different realities. It is not “out there”, and if your happiness is founded on condition you accept natural limits to it, something that is impossible for any of us to really accept. The point of meditation is not to feel good its to see the nature of reality properly, as dependently originated, as suffering, as empty, and to illuminate the end of that suffering.
Playing war with the little boys is a good way to keep your mind sharp and to ward off the dullness, even if it is all pretend. It is better that you resign yourself to this than fueling your dispassion so grossly that you end up embarrassing yourself in the real world or otherwise getting wrapped into some kind of mess you never wanted to be in.
Hel is cold.
What do you do for work anyway
I'm a student rn so better than being a NEET and rotting full-time.